Social Networks, Self-Esteem, & Individual Responsibility

I went from being a social media reject to spending at least an hour or two daily on various media platforms. There’s never a missed opportunity to use it as a form of social communication, brief pause of entertainment, or quick laugh throughout the seriousness of my day. My older age and former resistance to all forms of technology led to my former stifled belief that humanity gained absolutely nothing by having a bunch of self-serving narcissists showcasing their unoriginal fakery to underdeveloped minds and lost souls in a pathetic attempt to gain some sort of internet fame and notoriety without having a single grain of actual talent. Harsh criticism from an old lady detailing an innocent meme that was probably pretty funny to watch I now realize. But imagine if I was that conceited jerk spreading my very own personal brand of judgement, opinionated views, and falsehoods all over TikTok for other angry or impressionable humans to watch prior to them developing their very own sense of identity in that same tone of spite. Being a follower of a self-righteous, over-inflated influencer who continually achieves a million daily likes can easily make joining a justifiable decision no matter what untruths are being presented. Those who have sadly labeled themselves as unworthy of kind praise and have marked themselves with their own ugly brand of negative self-criticism at any age could have disastrous influence on people struggling to fit in and already feeling isolated. (Gamble & Gamble, 2019). That’s exactly what led to my previously biased feelings concerning artificial socialization and I didn’t even realize it at the time. The ending of my 20-year marriage with the brutal knowledge of a string of infidelities bruised and damaged my self-worth. I was humiliated, lonely, and felt tremendous fear to see, or be seen, by people who knew and might judge the new life that was forced on me and my children. I unfairly blamed social media for being the accommodating link to his unfaithfulness because of the ease in which it allowed him to trick me. These days, social media is my form of relaxing entertainment during brief pauses throughout my hectic day and also my connection to the outside world since my schedule is so insane. I view more than I post and that’s the way I like it. That’s the beauty of behind-the-scenes socializing, it can be done anytime, anywhere, and we get to choose our own parameters of self-involvement while still maintaining a sense of worldly human connection. 

I believe we all want to portray our best qualities and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that if it isn’t paired with blatant lies. Nobody’s skin is perfect. Nobody’s kids behave 100% of the time. And nobody’s cooking, vacations, waistline, income, or cat is exactly how they wished it would be. The old adage from yesteryear still applies here with social media. ‘The grass always seems greener on the other side’ simply means we can all be envious at times, and the things we don’t have, or possess, can seem better than the things we do. We need to realize that the perfect bow surrounding random posts are just snippets of reality because nobody wants to expose the chaos behind the lens or the extreme efforts it took to create that picture perfect still shot. Influencers are aware that we all seek some sort of escapism from reality in order to relax. Knowledge of this mental action frees us from trying to replicate that five second portrayal of perfection and realize that all the attached turmoil was intentionally left out of the picture for a reason. We all have our own bags of commotion and don’t prefer to see other people’s mess. Social media should be used to help us escape and relax for a brief moment not be used as a measuring tool of what our own lives should look like.

It’s human nature to be slightly influenced by the amount of value placed on subjective information by the majority vote of the world. (Lynch, 2012). This can cause both a positive and negative result in society depending on the character strength and ethical morals of each human being that participates on social media platforms. We all have a personal responsibility to maintain a certain degree of decency and take ownership of the potential consequences of our posts if viewed by those with less than normal resiliency or unable to distinguish truths from falsities. (Koutmanis, 2015). Character is always vulnerable to attacks by changing moments and people in our lives. But it’s much more difficult to be permanently manipulated or distorted when we possess true personal grit. (Gamble & Gamble, 2019).

The internet can be a really ugly place for nasty, personal attacks and with a bulk of social media viewers being preadolescent we need more social responsibility and emotional correctness when we click on the internet. (Kohn, 2014, 0:43; Kohn, 2013, 1:29; Robinson; Smith, 2021, “Cyberbullying” section). Quit igniting the bottom feeder clickbait and start reshaping the social world we want to live in by using compassion for one another. Stop being a passive watcher and make a personal sacrifice against bullying and morally corrupt acts and rightfully stand up for those not able to understand or be strong enough to do so themselves.  

Very popular trends, like plastic surgery, keep getting normalized and can be very toxic and dangerous for younger generations. (Tovar, 2021, 1:44, 11:37). The constant body checking measures and beauty filters being used to disguise our human features are out of control. Body positivity movements need to become louder and stronger to eliminate the never-ending loop of pushing boundaries to achieve whatever body type trend is in season. Stop photoshopping and video editing to the point of zero recognition to always look flawless. Stop endorsing perfection as a state of happiness, which is unattainable, all over social media. (Tovar, 2021, 11:15, 14:09). Become a small part of the solution any way you know how to and eventually the combined effort from everyone may someday become loud enough for real change to happen. My small part in the fight is to monitor my daughter’s media feed and constantly reinforce the beauty of her strong personal character. If her morals stay strongly grounded when society’s ridiculous standards try to challenge her, hopefully my message makes her strong enough to not get knocked down by all the lies.

Author David Brooks (2019) explains that, “we all have bad seasons in life [but will always] demand intimacy in a world of isolation. We must all find a better way to live and copy it [because the] loneliness we can feel brings on emptiness that leads us to believe some of the lies our culture tells us.” (Brooks, 2019, 1:14). “Holes get filled not by attaching ourselves to prestigious brands or believing that those who have achieved more than us deserve greater recognition, but by losing our [emotional] self-sufficiency [and breeding more social truth].” (Brooks, 2019, 1:49). The human psyche was not built to be isolated and alone. We need to feel inclusive with society and become a part of something bigger than ourselves even if we don’t understand this reasoning. Subscribing to any sort of social media network to find other like-minded people and gain a personal sense of belonging can fill these holes that have been created in our lives sometimes by no fault of our own. We can feel complete and somewhat whole again with the knowledge that other people in the world experience the same level of pain and that enables us the freedom to actually feel it instead of masking it over.  

Daily doses of self-expression, comedy, and human stupidity witnessed on social media helps us cope with the daily grind of our lives. Many of us use it as a type of “security blanket” to bring us a sense of connectedness to others; emotional medicine for the soul. (Robinson; Smith, “What’s Driving Your Social Media Use” section). Social media platforms are avenues of enlightenment that allow us to heal, forgive, and grow as human beings. We just need to keep teaching and preaching with very loud voices against toxicity across the internet to maintain a healthier society in the future.

References:

Brooks, D. (2019, June). The lies our culture tells us about what matters—and a better way to live [Video]. TED Conferences.

https://www.ted.com/talks/david_brooks_the_lies_our_culture_tells_us_about_what_matters_and_a_better_way_to_live (Links to an external site.)

Gamble, T., Gamble, M. (2019). The communication handbook (1^st ed.). Sage Publications.

Kohn, S. (2013, October). Let’s try emotional correctness [Video]. TED Conferences.

https://www.ted.com/talks/sally_kohn_let_s_try_emotional_correctness (Links to an external site.)

Kohn, S. (2014, July). Don’t like clickbait? Don’t click [Video]. TED Conferences.

https://www.ted.com/talks/sally_kohn_don_t_like_clickbait_don_t_click (Links to an external site.)

Koutamanis, M., Voosen, H.G., & Valkenburg, P. (2015). Adolescents’ comments in social media; Why do adolescents receive negative feedback and who is most at risk? Computers in Human Behavior, 53, 486-494. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2015.07.016 (Links to an external site.)

Lynch, P. (2017, June). How to see past your own perspectives and find truth [Video]. TED Conferences. https://www.ted.com/talks/michael_patrick_lynch_how_to_see_past_your_own_perspective_and_find_truth (Links to an external site.)

Salem Tovar. (2021, July 30). The deadliest trend on TikTok yet | an analysis [Video]. YouTube.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPKyYAP633k&t=1297s (Links to an external site.)

Robinson, L; Smith, M. (2021, October). Social media and mental health. HelpGuide. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/social-media-and-mental-health.htm

Fake Fringe Manifesto

Authenticity Loading…

^{Changing Perspectives by Marigofabio}

The world keeps trying to show off its individuality by continuously one-upping each other on social media platforms by presenting themselves as either leaders or followers of the newest trends out there waiting to be witnessed. Without much discrimination, the end goal of gaining more followers deems every activity that’s publicly posted as mimic-worthy, and the masses set out to emulate each move precisely.

Roles in society have always existed alongside the desire to belong, especially to the most popular group or crowd, that’s a conceptual no brainer. And, there’s nothing inherently wrong with the new truth of today’s modern world to seek inclusion as long as the crucial elements of character strength remain at the core of our desperate pursuit to connect with humanity. The essence of purposefulness that fills our budding goals and aspirations to the brim with contentment, without depleting awareness of our well-defined personal sense of autonomy and all of it’s vital nutrients, is an undertaking that’s more taxing than most of us even realize.

This seemingly simple word, contentment, holds endless power in dissolving deformed thoughts that creep in silently through idleness saturating our conscious efforts to achieve emotional equilibrium. High levels of self-worth mingled with a strong propensity to practice outward gratitude makes dodging life’s canker sores less challenging. Quicker recovery is possible when we do unexpectedly tumble into the ruptured crevices of adversity as we walk through the motions of our existence because self-empowerment takes away our blindness.

Rather than gaining social media gratification when being swept into the witless torrents of pride from blending in with it, integrity can influence our motivational rise above those false perceptions and reward us with gifts of genuine authenticity. Knowing which truths we need to seek in order to feed our internal determination for achieving resolute success clears a straightforward path deep inside ourselves that cannot easily be taken away without a solid fight.

We are taught young to avoid dangers that threaten to inflict harm on us. Oftentimes, the most detriment to our well-being comes from the wounds inflicted by the words and actions of the people in our lives we love and trust the most. It can take years of psychological compassion to repair the emotional bruises our self-confidence suffers at the hands of betrayal.

Succumbing to the damages of repeated blows to our innocence often leads us to wearing masks of lies to appear confident and feel safe. Weakened and stripped of our worth, the numbing effects of constant allegiance to insecurity makes us afraid to ever unveil our own personal truths hiding underneath. We quickly become unrecognizable even to ourselves by perversely distorting the view we see when we fall victim to the unhealthy triggers of our surroundings.

Each of us sets our own benchmark of inherent resiliency using skillful strategies that play up our natural tendency to move past superficial flaws that tempt to destroy the connection. Our best attempts at capturing perfection in any giving moment can always end in unexpected failure through no fault of our own. The degree of perseverance we use in response to soul sucking challenges is what determines the overall consequences of our personal happiness. We either sink quickly into the depths that are stealing our breath away as terror climbs all over us and ultimately wins its freedom. Or, we choose to fight hard, flopping through rough waters at all costs until we make it out alive, usually with painful scrapes to remind us of the small victories. They either help promote growth for future battles, or they stunt it. New beginnings can be tinged with bittersweet excitement, or they can negatively alter faith in humanity. We must bravely overcome life’s turmoil thrown in our direction as we navigate through the authenticity of people’s integrity while gripping tightly to ours.

Embracing our past mistakes instead of pretending they never existed is vital if we expect to move past living life as our own imposters. Constantly overthinking with doubt the many factual layers that went into the calculation process of a crucial decision changes absolutely nothing. The excessive overtime wasted digging inside our own heads can lead to getting trapped inside. Creating more self-doubt just adds an additional layer of turmoil our psyche shouldn’t have to deal with because it has no power to change it anyways. Be steadfast and remain openly honest to the power that strong conviction holds over our self-confidence. Don’t let it be a weighty source of indecisive weakness.

^{What would happen if we all just unveiled our own personal truths to each other without guise, breaking free from our own insecurities to embrace change with positivity?}

• Honest
• Genuine
• Candid
• Sincere
• Visible
• Virtuous
• Evident
• Apparent
• Candor

• Real
• Open
• Direct
• Plain
• Obvious
• Good
• Barren
• Clear
• Disclosed

• Trustworthy
• Unreserved
• Outspoken
• Unpretentious
• Unvarnished
• Forthright
• Unrestrained
• Transparent
• Unambiguous

An endless string of words conjoined by the same basic concept of behavior. Why so many versions? In a world that finds the definition difficult to actively practice throughout the daily rituals of life, it makes me wonder if a new synonym was invented as an admonishing counterstrike to use in response to each blatant disregard to the meaning of the word.

I never set out to be an outspoken mouthpiece fighting for the injustices against authenticity currently circulating throughout society. Nowhere in my personal bio do I actively tout myself as being at the forefront of change leading to greater transparency of thought while climbing on top of the head of conformity. I’m way too short to summit a mountain that ginormous.

Though most of my blog entries lead to lengthy discussions that typically wrap themselves around the concept of unrestrained conversation, the thoughts spilling out of my head in word form simply display my natural tendency to just bare it all without shame. Sure, some of my posts made me feel a sense of vulnerability due to their sensitive nature, but if I were to hide behind someone else’s shame of character narcissistically imposed on me, what would that say about mine?

Besides, I figure those who cannot relate to my tales of woe can use them as future warnings of wisdom, and in the meantime, at least enjoy a cringeworthy tale with the possibility of blushing as a side effect. Those who can relate, might be helped by the similarities of shared experience. I also think of it as free therapy for me to spill out my guts of thought. Win win.

More than any other reason, to be honest, for my propensity to share unvarnished tales with full candor, is that I’m just too darn lazy to keep up with what everybody else is considering ‘trendy’ at any given moment in time. Life exhausts me sometimes. I can’t even imagine trying to scrounge for enough extra time to create revised cliff notes to falsely change the ugly of my life, to pretty, and then divide them into perfect piles of moments containing various degree’s of honesty to be distributed at will among people crossing my path. That’s a whole bunch of additional work over a lifetime of emotional experiences to sort through, and dissect accordingly. Maybe that’s why the world is so incredibly exhausted all the time! Trust me, it’s so much easier to just be real.

Take fake fringe for instance. It was all the rage a few years back and everybody wanted to try their hand at the popular new trend of obtaining a false set of temporary bangs. No commitment of scissors needed like the real thing required. With much less stress, little involvement, and a fun mix of imagination anyone could pull off the perfect hack. Directions as follows:

• To begin, hair just long enough to be pulled over the eyes is required.
• Drape all the hair you possess into a big pony tail and secure it tightly to the crown of your head. It may take some adjusting at first, but soon enough it gets easier.
• Release a good portion of hair leaving the most significant parts tightly tucked away hidden from view.
• Many questions can be asked in reference to the logistics of pulling off the perfect faux fringe:
  • How taxing is the process really?
  • Will it take a long time to figure out?
  • Is it going to feel uncomfortable?
  • Will someone see through my fakery and …well…. call me out as a big faker?
  • How will others respond to it?
  • Will it make me seem prettier?
  • Can I keep the fakery intact as I move throughout my day?
  • What happens if the wind blows and tries to knock them out of place?
  • Are there more tricks to be learned to secure the fakery in its acceptable place?
• Once you’ve decided how much you want to show, lay the faux bangs on your forehead, and let them sit there all day.
  • The tickle of reminder on your brow could get annoying, or may even start to hurt. But not to worry, you’ll soon go numb to the pain, and eventually not feel anything at all.
• The parts of hair that you will make visible to the world temporarily, is the part that will fool them into thinking what they’re witnessing is authentic.
  • Hard work and daunting practice to eventually get it right is the only way to accomplish the look of real, using fake. There’s just no other way.
  • Not super flattering up close, though.
• Many online tutorials exist assisting people in the process of achieving better fakery because of the high demand for knowledge to use versions free of actual commitment. In no time at all, you’ll be able to fool the most seasoned of hairdressers.

Fake fringe is an experiment of will. To go through all the trouble to plan in advance, gather supplies, rearrange, manipulate, tuck, pull, pin, secure, and avoid in the delightfulness of fresh air with it’s occasional small breezes, just to indulge in the satisfaction of having tricked all the people unlucky enough to have stumbled across your path, seems to be an awful lot of unnecessary work. I don’t get it. Where’s the benefit in the fakery? If it’s a matter of sheer curiosity, then just experiment with the style in the privacy of your own home.

If the new updo is an attempt to serve as a fun flight of fancy, then why use so many forms of secrecy to conceal something so harmless? Just go out in public and proudly show off your new do’! If you get it wrong the first time, laugh it off, accept the constructive criticism, throw away the condemnation, and try it again tomorrow. No. Big. Deal. Take confidence in the bravery of trying something new, feeling empowered that another chic technique has been added to the arsenal of self-transformation weapons to use.

Then one day, after copious practice, the technique may lead to perfection that leaves no distinguishable line between where the bang fakery ends, and your real hair begins. When this occurs, temporary may no longer suit your expectations to get that natural look with zero commitment, and you should start actively looking for the shears. I’ll repeat myself again, because trust me, it’s so much easier to just be genuine.

NOW GO GET YOURSELF A PAIR ALREADY AND TRY IT! Scissors, I mean. Of course.

Ekphrasis

Auguste Rodin, Danaïde, 1885

‘Weakness of Marble’

Detachment; one thing in one moment 
Novelty of principle decoration
Keep it pristine
In its pure form, marble is sugared
Changes, but is always there
Impurities
Translucent property
Give consciousness a central role
Awaits a Master Carver's touch
When sealed properly
Grained; never cease to change
Come into its own
Stains that blend into the grey veins over time
Along the way joy in the simple
Red lines cut through silhouettes
Gives more space
Spotlight hides the lines in mundane 
Mourning the flight
Protecting and releasing
Another in the next moment
Metamorphism
Toxic dust causes shortness of breath
Rock may shatter if explosives are used
Unhand, maturity carries strength in production
Marble requires some maintenance
LETTING GO
Strength of control and mastery of thoughts, no longer
Undefined privilege remote 
Texture turns noiseless, chalks
Composite absorbs durability  
Recrystallized mineral
Solubility interlocking balance 
Vacancy apologizes
Gradually aged surface, etched

Struggling to stay connected with myself as I begin to separate from my role of Motherhood

The sculpture exudes a curious mood of unknown sadness almost immediately. A deep longing is being witnessed as the woman buries half her face away from attention, but only enough to make you aware she knows there’s nothing to be said that can offer her help. More than just guilt, or her own regret, it feels like something special was taken from her, but she has no idea how to move forward, so she just falls lifelessly into a devastated heap of sorrow. Her eyes are quite widened, in shock, seemingly in dire disbelief about her current affairs. Wrapped up in her own thoughts, while she hunches over cradling herself in such a vulnerable position, you feel overwhelming empathy to kneel down beside her and offer whatever compassion she will accept.

My poem reflects the impending change in my role of Motherhood that has recently caught me off guard. Fully acquainted with how this parenting stuff is supposed to work and mindful to the fact that children growing up and leaving home someday proudly translates into a ginormous ‘job well done’ on my part, well, I just don’t want to hear such nonsense. This sculpture is the epitome of emotion felt by every future empty nester. Shocked disbelief looks out from the eyes and is all that remains after each tear took with it a tender piece of childhood memory. Not being able to ever rewind time again for just a sliver more family togetherness can absolutely reduce a mother to a depressed, stomach clutching pile of hot mess on a very uncomfortable looking boulder. Absolutely!

The woman looks cold and despondent, devastated. When I first came upon this sculpture my immediate response was comparing my own current ambivalence towards leaving my active role as ‘Mommy’ to children, and transitioning to a mom of adult children. My former motherly services are no longer in high demand which gives my life a looser set of restrictions to be bound by, and this is a disheartening phase of parenthood to accept most times. My entire life has been fully dedicated to caregiving and the novel idea of being able to discover new beginnings as an autonomous individual is tinged with bittersweet excitement.

I parallel the characteristics of actual marble itself, and the demands of carving it, with the intricacies of trying to raise your babies to adulthood with the bittersweet nightshade of apprehension as motherly oversight is quickly lost and traded in for uninvited quiet and aloneness. Trying to figure out how to recover, then evolve, from Motherhood; the essence that makes you feel tangible; when the requisite parts of your life no longer exist.

‘Loss of Role of Motherhood’ Paralleled from ‘Weakness of Marble’

With each day that passes your children gain another step towards independence 
Your new child enters into your life, brings newfound purpose
Trying to parent them the best way known
Full of energy, fresh; completely dependent, at first
Kids take in life quickly, learning on their own, but always need help
Bad experiences
make them vulnerable, insecure
Strength of character, hardiness, self-assuredness built into their core of self
Is the role of Motherhood
Properly taught, practiced thoroughly
Altruism becomes ingrained
Children's individuality surfaces
They start challenging our rules; disappoint us
Finding their way back from their search for independence, no longer embarrassed of you, they rejoin the family fun
Puberty hits, changing the dynamics of how we must now mother our teenagers
We give them more freedom, trust is given and taken away, both of us learning 
Mourning the gradual loss of their need for us as they mature
Missing helping them with all of life's lessons
Until one day they are all grown up, having become young adults
The shock of this truth; oversight of reality; is jarring to a mother's soul
Such a critical phase for Moms should be handled with much care or risk loss of identity
Understanding that your servitude has given them the proper life tools to prosper
Epiphany that adult children will still seek out our gifts of knowledge, just in different ways now, brings comfort
We finally make the decision to cut the apron strings we've attached to them, 
and they fly freely into adulthood, unaided
 Purposelessness demands our unfilled time,
Lack of chaos, bustling life, hurts. The overbearing scream of constant silence in the house, deafening 
Wholeheartedly searching alone for self-identity to help withstand the experienced emptiness
Deformed thoughts are dissolved, replaced with well-defined saturation of outside sources of help
A state of emotional equilibrium is achieved by reacquainting personal autonomy
Kind servitude to ourselves reconnects us to new personal goals and needs 
We become satisfied with our new position in Motherhood, and revel in the smaller moments of family inclusion 

Not Seen on TV

Ever Is Over All, 1997 by Pipilotti Rist

The world of television has significantly changed in the way it attempts to gain and keep our attention. With the advancement of social media, more powerful tactics are needed to entice viewers to watch the shows that networks choose to serve us. At the expense of revealing my old age sentimentality, the days when people had the capacity to watch television just for the sake of entertainment value itself, has long been replaced by short, self-featured cameo’s ranked most popular in search engines for having the highest number of followers. We want strangers to know exactly what we are thinking, doing, feeling, saying. Having the need to follow the side of ongoing issues at hand that the most popular people are standing behind, regardless of one’s own personal belief.

The concept that people follow popularity is not a novel one. But, nowadays, popularity has no physical boundaries, it extends globally, so the temptation is more difficult to resist. Herd mentality, group think, conformity, self-promotion, unanimous thinking with the exact same, dull opinions swirling inside everybody’s head, usually with no concrete reasoning behind the rationale other than wanting to be a blind follower. Desperate need to experience inclusion, to attract a string of strangers to believe in something with us, to not be left out of the popular crowd, to actively participate in the latest trends is now what replaces individualism. It’s the newest form of sought after entertainment. If we are all so readily excited to be a constant follower, then who will ever lead us to future greatness of mind?

In the realm of television viewing, networks keep sharp eyes focused on pursuing the latest trends and actively predicting which ones will become most popular in order to reach a broader audience that gains them a bigger commercial profit. Instead of networks deciding for us the type of shows we should entertain ourselves with, the shift of control has cleverly landed on the people. Binge-worthy television shows tend to follow in sync with each other using similar script ideas. If a show trends, makes good money, then multiple spin-off’s are created in the same format and basic storyline. Makes it easy for us to be mindlessly entertained as we half watch the t.v. shows we already know the basic, fundamental plot of thanks to the heavily detailed trailer taking away our thinking skills.

Unlike the ease of following along most television show plots that regurgitate every preliminary motive of each character before getting to enjoy the drama for oneself, experimental forms of video art take considerably more brain power to search through their nooks and crannies of puzzling storyline to decipher their intent. Unaware of how lazy my own attention span had become, it felt strange to actively think and participate with the artist as they silently gave only visual clues to the motives of each scene as the film progressed. It was neat to realize that whatever information I personally took away from the film would not be the same emotional experience, reasoning, or final outcome of someone else who viewed the exact same thing. Even with the limited detail information and lack of background content each of the videos expressed, I was able to withdraw completely different meaning watching some of the shorts a second time.

The experimental video art I chose to discuss is ‘Ever Is Over All‘, 1997 by Pipilotti Rist

Detailed Explanation of the Video Art

The short film, “Ever Is Over All” begins with deceitfully pleasant but weird sounding music and birds delightfully chirping in the background. Walking lightheartedly alongside the road holding a long stemmed flower, a graceful looking woman wearing a billowy, turquoise dress reminiscent of fifties style combined with modern chic accompanied by contrasting red, flat-heeled shoes, is juxtaposed against a close-up shot of a single flower transitioning gradually from the color yellow to mostly bright red.

Immediately entering from the same side the flower is presented, a man in a striped shirt appears and briskly walks by her out of the frame. The moment their strides meet, she wields the tropical flower like a bat and bursts a car’s window. Smashing the glass initially seems to jolt the woman’s senses, slightly knocking her gait off balance as if she weren’t quite ready for the impact that resulted. The shattering effect created by her own actions genuinely seem to surprise her. She continues blissfully strolling down the sidewalk and breaks another car window, no sound can be heard.

From behind, an authority figure appears, witnesses the vandalism occurring, but continues on her way unaffected by the event. The lady in green gestures a forward motion as the officer passes, and she in return, tips her hat hello. Another male wearing a brown overcoat, and a small boy riding his bike, enter the scene, the man curious as to what’s happening. They both escape unharmed. Seeing a different view of the third window being destroyed, with sound again, shows the woman’s unrepentant look while almost laughing about the property damage she’s causing.

The lady passes by an old woman on the sidewalk wearing a long, bright, red coat, the two briefly look at each other, then she excitedly breaks the window of a fourth car. The old woman never flinches at the noise or even looks back with any concern. Skipping, and nearly dancing, she hops up to a fifth car and swings the flower around hard until it smacks up against glass and shatters it into pieces. Holding the long stem high up in the air now as she walks, soft singing in the background can be heard as the music seems to get a bit louder.

Swaying her arm quite vigorously while gripping the flower in her hand, she walks along happily with seemingly no worries or particular destination in mind. At one point it looks like she accidentally pokes herself in the back with the stem, but doesn’t react, or seem to notice. The video ends with an upward flowing shot of several of the lengthy stalks surrounded by some that have dried up. Yellow and orange coloring of the floral spikes display as the video angle turns sideways and ends with a final view of a single, new, mostly yellow colored stem.

My Interpretation of ‘Ever Is Over All’

The Kniphofia, a species also known as, red hot poker, grows in clusters that often become aggressively invasive in favorable conditions is shown grossly inflated and intentionally phallic looking as it quickly transgresses to a field of many at the beginning of the film representing the patriarchy existing in our current social system. Music is heard with cognitive dissonance using inharmonious mixtures of sound reflecting the state of unrest still needing to be resolved. As it punctuates itself between the suppressed singsong of a female’s voice leaving only a loud, audible hum, overtones of teasing freedom sound off as birds happily twitter their dawn chorus. A classic display of machismo triggers the dainty lady to raise her unassuming weapon of fierceness and destroy the matching attitude of the red car as she senses the presence of her frustrations matching pace with her and trying to pass her up. The man barely acknowledges her, or the raucous she makes in the streets.

After the woman’s initial victory of smashing through the first proverbial glass wall of oppression the camera pans down to her ‘Dorothy style ruby slippers.’ It rests momentarily so we can fully appreciate the symbolic paradox of women’s courage, rage, competence, provocation, confidence, energy, and strength the shoes represent for liberation from male oppression. Traditionally exuding prideful, masculine authority for men, but constituting a woman’s symbol of weakness, sin, and betrayal, the biased definition behind the meaning of the color red is trying to be changed. In contrast, the woman also shows off her shapely femininity by wearing a ‘ladylike’ dress of tonal hope, growth, and new beginnings. Progressing to a larger field full of flower dominance suggests that a power shift has begun taking place and is fiercely shattering outdated standards head on becoming the new, collective undertaking of women after that first, small victory. Focus returns back to the single flower (male dominance) as it falls aside following the same exit path as the man earlier, taking with it the bygone boundaries of superiority as jarringly sinister as his striped T-shirt.

With an upside down flip, and another brazen blowout on a white car this time, the new view is suggestive of women’s collective approach to directly overturn sexism by breaking through man-made barriers they’ve silently used to restrain, strengthen assertion against irritated opposition, and boldly declare the hunt to find those who hide behind their own cowardice as indicated by the explosive, but silent, shattering of glass. With much less faltering the second time around, the confidence in her own strength is apparent by her quickened recovery, much giddier step, and beaming smile after the blow. The officer seen earlier emerges, now recognizably female, and salutes with gratitude the lady helping to facilitate her job in a field full of male dominance. She smiles back, proudly holding up her symbolic staph of good fortune that’s helping her remove all threat and bring full bloom liberation into existence, then directs it forward in a promise to keep fighting.

The curious man in the brown coat entering the scene from an opposite direction than the first, illustrates both his acceptance, and agreeance towards the new movement with full knowledge that his age group is but the inaugural round preceding the finality of change. His clothing color is symbolic of warmth, support, and protection. The youth, dressed in green and blue, mix together to make the color of her dress, combining hope for a new generation of men to bring finality to the concept of equality for both sexes.

By the third break, the sound of glass returns in addition to getting a clear view of the protagonist’s face. Her ‘sorry not sorry’ look implying that the only sorry ever given in the first place was a means of being polite and following the rules of social norms imposed on women expresses the strong, forward momentum being gained with every smashed stereotype. Deliverance earns her wielding flower height as she brandishes it higher in the air as declaration of the steadfast change for unified rights occupying the streets. Weight of the stem also looks less taxing for her to support as she floats parallel to known pitfalls that become much easier to locate and tear apart.

The old woman passing by wearing a long, bold, red, overcoat gives just the faintest, momentary glance towards the woman in blue as if to express that she needn’t stare at the uprising to understand its’ true purpose. She was already very keen to the knowledge that it was her generation, and those before her, that began paving the hard road to equality for women long before her current strides. The length and bold color of the old woman’s coat embodies the long standing struggle over time endured by past generations of many brave women to effectively create a cultural shift of change to greater equality. The energizing red is a color of motivation used as a sign of brief transfer to continue carrying on the ‘torch’ of liberation for future generations as they exchange a hard, mutual look of admiration for each other’s efforts in passing.

Following their passing engagement, the music gets higher pitched and more playful as the lady in turquoise perks up her stride exerting a heightened joviality that makes her begin practicing her arm swing with the flower as if she were going into battle with a mighty sword and was again, newly invigorated. She swings the stem behind her own back with a gentle stabbing motion announcing that she can see from all angles and is prepared to defend them. The video ends showing the symbolic flower of hope progressing passed old ones that have shriveled up and died. ‘Retiring past belief systems’ and moving up to greater heights, the now surviving flower stems boast new color foliage of mostly orange with a bit of yellow. Lastly seen from a horizontal angle, the newly created plant species displays the introduction of universal rebirth of equality between the sexes through enlightenment, balance, and freedom.

Photographer’s Eye

Determination

Determination is an intrinsic quality within our psyche that empowers our motivational drive to achieve the goals we deem of high importance. Each of us sets our own level of personal standards needed for gaining success so we develop skillful strategies throughout our lifetime that help us play up our natural strengths. Resilience, hope, integrity, competence, courage, and willpower help our drive to succeed. This unique skillset of internal behaviors becomes our benchmark of character excellence that influences our tenacity to keep pushing forward against all adversity. Strength of heart, mind, and body become the combined fundamentals used to define the meaning of determination. Though some of my photos appear to depict a sense of perseverance, “…persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success” that attribute can only get you in the game of your personal goal, not lead you to the victory of it. Ultimately, determination reigns over the theme of the still shots and photographically communicate some future semblance of ensuing victory.

This is the universal image that should pop up every time the word determination is Googled.

I quickly snapped this photo incognito through the testing window while my son took his mandatory Cadet exam. His determination to pass and finally begin doing ride-alongs on the fire and rescue trucks with the guys at South Trail FD is almost palpable in this photo. Even though there were only three people taking the test that night, it appears that he’s the only one left in that big room still struggling to complete the test determined not to give up.

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Sheer determination of my son and his friend to honor fallen firefighter Stephen Siller on September 11, 2001, as well as, first responders and military who continue to fight to save lives kept their stamina strong while completing the 2017 Tunnel to Towers 5K race in Fort Myers in full uniform despite Florida’s awful heat and humidity. Bunker gear brings qualities of strength and integrity to the forefront of people’s minds. Adding the marathon race bib only increases the element of a victorious finish.

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This photo was taken during my very first semester back in college after a decade long absence. It wasn’t staged. I got up to walk off my frustrations from the assignment at hand and grab a snack. When I came back, looking down at the chaos of my desk that should have made my brain explode, somehow re-centered my determination to conquer the course. It angered me that I let the work make me feel so weak and helpless, so I trudged on diligently until I felt confident that I had squeezed out every bit of knowledge I was capable of learning. I took this photo as a reminder of my self-determination to triumph over moments that threaten to corrode my resiliency. The second photo is staged and depicts my sense of serenity and calm after each course I conquer no matter how intimidating they first appear.

My daughter and I generally avoid being in the harsh Florida sun, so when summertime rainstorms blow in and try to sabotage our planned playdates in the pool, this photo displays our determination to not let a little rain affect our fun.

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Hurricane Irma personally tried to steal my family’s home and personal willpower, and almost succeeded. This first one is but a single snapshot of the determination that rose up inside each of us to rebuild what was lost despite the surrounding devastation caused to our little world. As I stood on my fallen porch peering into the murky pond of metal inside my treasured pool, I felt utterly defeated. My son jumped into the dangerous water without hesitation and chucked out every single piece of debris that didn’t belong in there. We survived the actual storm, then the aftermath of it. Spending over two weeks without power in the Florida summertime heat in our broken shell of a home is practically indescribable, but these photo’s are the epitome of our determination to return back to normalcy.

The contorted look of rage on his little face leaves no doubt that the grapple with popping his balloon has gone on for way too long and his determination to not be defeated by it is apparent. (He ultimately rammed his munchkin head into the balloon and pierced it with his tiny fangs.)

Determination to succeed at something you just can’t seem to get the hang of, and laugh at yourself along the way, is pretty awesome to watch in full motion. Exposing the aftermath of a pretty hard tumble on ice skates, all the while laughing at his own clumsiness, my son desperately uses the wall to try and pull himself upright again making this shot so fun to look at. I immediately fell myself after taking this shot of him, but thankfully no photos exist.

Determination to finally learn how to dive and hold her breath underwater at the beach so she could play with her big brothers was the goal met in this photo.

I captured the determination of a complete stranger in traffic trying to get more than his bike should be able to carry safely.

Our house was in complete upheaval with all the furniture and lamps unplugged and misplace because we were installing our laminate flooring. The overall picture’s darkness leads the eyes directly to my girls full engagement of playing with her toys in a familiar, quiet corner. Her determination to entertain herself regardless of her current lightless situation is apparent by her makeshift, temporarily placed lamp positioned by her side. The harsh glare it produces bounces light backwards and reflects the gaming shelf she’s using to line up her dinosaur toys.

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This photo doesn’t necessarily scream the act of determination to everyone looking at it. But to those who fear heights, like my son does, would be hard pressed to wrangle the determination needed to climb all 100 feet to the very top of the ladder on the firetruck. Coming down took even more!

My son’s determination to complete our yearly summer trimming of the side house trees was unbreakable despite my conveyed words of intense fret against the chore. He wanted to prove to me that he was physically capable of it and that it was the best economical decision for us at the time. It’s hard not to hold your breath while staring at this photo filled with all the possible dangers he’s facing at any given moment.

Honoring the flag and all that it represents for our country is the mark of determination that drives my oldest son to raise and lower the American flag every morning and night at his local community center when he discovered no one else was.

Being one third the size of the four wheeler he was riding didn’t halt his determination to outrace his big brother. This is the future face of victory.

The goal of this captured moment is clear at the very first glance. My brother (left) and son (right) unexpectedly grabbed my other son and hoisted him high in a valid attempt to throw him into the pool at our last family cookout. Determination to not go down without a solid fight won him his dry freedom. Unfortunately for my brother, he got thrown in a few minutes later. Guess his determination to not get soaked wasn’t as strong as my son’s.

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What this picture doesn’t show are the twenty-three chickens and two roosters we raised and cared for from baby chics. After inheriting a small handful of orphaned chickens, my son’s determination was sparked to build this elaborate chicken coop with high hopes of increasing our future flock. This shot shows his dedication to the project as he worked many nights with minimal lighting throughout several days to finish the project.

Determination to lose weight is felt by seeing bare legs leading down to the dreaded scale as if trying to be as weightless as possible before witnessing the numbers that magically appear. The rough looking concrete floors continue to draw the eyes past the scale’s digits making it feel as if there is an additional element of heaviness.

Adding broccoli to pizza isn’t weird at all in my very arguably, sane head. It’s full of deliciousness AND healthy goodness. Despite the roomful of unintentional gagging I’ve just induced with those last two sentences, my determination to get someone, anyone, to like it as much as me will never cease.

Getting me to start dinner was his sole determination with that almost misspelled plea of hunger.

Determination to make the biggest, muddiest splashes ever possible in every discovered mud puddle she came across was her only determination after the brief rain storm that Spring afternoon.

I’m lucky enough to have not one, but two, Mr. Fix-It’s to call when my household appliances betray their loyalty to the family. The feet dangling out sideways, like the fridge is enjoying a late night human snack, would be my technically savvy son who specializes in all repairs electronic. He spent the entire day, and partial night, hanging awkwardly upside down, with every bit of self-determination existing inside him to solve the riddle of my ornery fridge. Unfortunately, he lost the battle.

Determination to: A) Be the worst brother ever. B) Be ornery. C) Be grounded immediately. D) All of the above.

Only Jeep owners will understand the struggle and determination it takes to keep them running. (His little brother forgave him for the hose water in the face incident.)

Never flinched picking up the bowling ball twice his weight and rolling it down the lane. His determination to strike all the pins down and prove he was as capable as anyone else playing was heavier. (He’s stubborn just like his mom.)

Twelve years later, he’s still aiming for perfection, with just as much determination to do his personal best.

My daughter’s determination to try every activity out there at least once landed us at the local Friday night skating party. Rinks are scarce these days so this was her first time on four wheels. She absolutely hated every minute of it, but kept trudging on despite our many, many (MANY!) tragically, hilarious super falls. I contorted myself all ways humanly possible to avoid crushing the poor thing each time we Lucy-style tumbled. We both survived, barely.

Hours upon hours spent each evening trying to chisel a brand new board to look worn and aged. This picture shows the result of my dedicated determination to make it look perfectly imperfect.

Blowing a soap bubble bigger than his noggin was his only determination in that moment. Mine was actually capturing the moment.

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Determination deep inside every mother out there to allow their children to be as strange as they possibly want to be, and still be left with enough dignity to claim them as our own in public, rages an internal battle that gets silently fought on a daily basis.

Determination to literally dig a hole to China in the lot next to our house was the goal of my two boys every night after schoolwork was complete. By the end of digging, the tallest boy could jump inside and only the peaks of his blonde whorls were visible. The seriousness of their ongoing work is evident on each of their hard working faces.

Determination ensues with my everyday pursuit to patrol, notify, and correct (nicely), all public displays of misspelled fliers and advertisements preventing further damage to the eyes and brain cells of myself, and my fellow Grammar Police brethren.

Her steadfast determination to patiently color every single one of those T-Rex spots pink makes me utterly insane with my own lack of it. Can you feel the clock ticking and your hand cramping as you look at the photo?

The world is full of frantic determination to open back up again and be normal after COVID shuts everything down. This photo actively shows the beginning stages of that hopeful attempt.

His face displays every ounce of determination it took to get that football flying as high as he could ever image it to go.

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Each kiddo is filled with hopeful determination to win the magic wish and is beaming on both their faces. Photo number two probably displays even more emotion, just not the kind I want to highlight for my theme’s purpose. It was only included for a giggle.

Strong determination to parent my ‘adult’ sons with one eye tightly closed is the only way I can surmise surviving this new future state of motherhood without serious physical or emotional harm to all of our personal well-being.

Determination to overcome the fall from Bankruptcy and spring back to credit score perfection. All the large amounts of money have been plucked from the mature branches of the bush because of Bankruptcy obligations, but now new buds are sprouting hope for financial recovery after the loss.

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Determination to bring my house out of the darkness of DIY repair work and into the spotlight of beauty is the purpose of these photos.

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Determination to fill my newly created bucket list began with this first photoshoot of me bravely going kayaking by myself with a tour group. I was terrified for many different reasons, but love these photographic reminders that I chose to rise above the fear I felt that day, and ended up having so much fun trying something new.

Determined to finally show off this beautiful night shot I took last winter displaying how the glowing fire pit radiates an orangish tint up my sadly broken trees making them appear lively again is my only goal for adding it to the collection. Even the stars can be seen twinkling in the dark sky.

Such a great shot showing the cadet teams determination to put out the sky high flames at the annual Cadet Fest Competition.

If those eyes don’t scream determination, then I don’t know what look ever will.

Relentless determination of this old Ellijay, Georgia house to remain upright and strong despite it’s cruel environment attempting to bring it down shines through this photo.

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This is one of my personal favorite snapshots that combine family tragedy and laughter all in one frame. Enduring eleven days (nonstop) in the hospital with my son after his late diagnosis of a ruptured appendix that sent him into emergency surgery and a very long recovery, we invited the rest of the kids to join us in the hospital break room for a small pizza party determined to experience just a sliver of normalcy again. At some point I made a joke (no clue to this day what I said and nobody can remember!) and it sent all of us into a relentless spiral of hysterical laughing. My poor son did his best not to blow out his remaining stitched up intestine by trying to hold back his own laughter as best he could manage. Seeing this attempt painfully contorted on his face only made it worse for us and we all burst out with several more violent rounds of hilarity. Photo number two, yes again, is my oldest son’s attempt to upstage his younger brother by getting accidentally bitten by a squirrel he attempted to “save” from our blow up yard pool. He, too, had to be admitted to the same hospital that same week and that photo is my determination to document both his stupidity, and the ironic hardships of motherhood.

Installing new cabinets at their grandpa’s house, I snapped this photo of the three as they fought to get that last one drilled in place on the kitchen wall. It was being extremely stubborn, and they all worked together in unison determined to make it work.

My daughter was absolutely determined to catch the only uncatchable chicken of the flock. This picture commemorates the day she was luckier than the chicken and her red, sweaty face shows just how hard she strived to get what she wanted.

Determination to exercise, explore new territory, and spend quality time together as a close family unit are displayed in this photograph of our bikes resting in the dirt trail.

Determination to be reckless and irresponsible by disregarding future consequences from stupid actions is disgustingly apparent in this scene as the Jeep sinks deeper into the mud with every minute that passes. When viewing this photo, feelings of relief that this isn’t your situation, or vehicle, can’t help but be painfully felt. Being Stupid’s mother, me and my wallet are still feeling the pain from that day of dumb.

It’s been my son’s determination to one day become a firefighter. Trying to fill the over-sized everything makes his desire palpable to the viewer.

That intense look in his eyes, combined with his physical stature while holding his fire gear, brings his personal determination right off the photo and into your face. I love this picture!

This picture is an odd one to include. To most it means nothing. If you’re living on the poor side of the racks, though, it may invoke a story of your own. I snapped this photo showing the cheap meal I packed for us all during one of my son’s cadet competitions. I had literally a hundred dollars to my name the day we left for the weekend games in Cocoa Beach. Knowing food was an item we couldn’t afford to buy at a restaurant, we made good use of every last bit of food we had on hand at home, got creative, and packed it up picnic-style and brought it along to the hotel. Was one of the very best trip memories we all have. This ugly PB&J snapshot proves our determination to rise up against adversity and conquer the moment.

This photo represents MY personal determination to keep that burning light of innocence brightly lit inside the eyes of my little girl for as long as humanly possible. This photo was taken last Christmas as she beamed her gigantic smile of delight reading her letter from Santa out loud to me. I want to see that exact face forever. At least with this one photo, I always can.

This photo proves my continued, lifetime devotion of unconditional love, and undying determination to remain a constant parent, and friend, to all of my children, and always remain in their lives for as long as they will allow me to no matter how big, or old, they get. (Ha! As if they have a choice!) This ‘date’ selfie with my oldest son was taken at the Laugh In Comedy Club (actual proof we still hang out together!) To this day, I still take each one of them out separately and spend some quality time reconnecting with them (their girlfriends are always welcome to join us if they aren’t working!)

This assignment was quite deceitful in many unexpected ways. At first, it felt effortless choosing the theme ‘perseverance’ and perusing through my albums looking for perfect examples to deliver that specific state of being. As I repeatedly hunted through my collection of (57, 276!) photos, I realized the theme I’d chosen was the exact same ‘state of being’ I was currently displaying of myself in my hot pursuit to finish. Perseverance by definition means, ‘persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.’ It was a daunting task, and it was taking me way too long finding the right photographs to tie into my chosen theme and gain the desired success of completion. My seemingly never-ending attempts were not going to finish my assignment to it’s proper completion. I didn’t want to only show photographs of attempts at gaining success. Isn’t that the equivalent of uploading a selfie of someone typing with a furiously intent look of seriousness on their face? Where’s the explosive, emotional evidence solidly convincing the viewer that after the shot was taken they didn’t immediately leave their desk and go browse through Netflix. To me, that type of photo seems to be a glorified way to publicly display varied still shots of sad, repeated failures. Although perseverance is a much needed characteristic required to effectively succeed, it does not solely lead to successful moments. All of my previously selected photos for my chosen theme were being completely looked at from the wrong angle. Everything needed to be thrown out and restarted with another theme title. This project needed a new, clear set of goals using definitive, decision-making skills in order to finalize it successfully to its entirety. Personal benchmarks of quality work begin with studious efforts of mind to understand the meaning of the projects, proceeded by diligent fortitude to the best of ones ability to locate answers until full completion is achieved, and success is ultimately rewarded. Determination, by definition, is just that. ‘Establishing clear, authoritative goals with firm intent of resoluteness; process of moving in a fixed direction until successful conclusion.’ Finally realizing the fine line of difference between the two themes, it suddenly wasn’t enough for me to feel successful with this project by displaying photographs depicting only the tenacious struggle of trying to reach a particular goal (perseverance) without the perceived successful victory at the end of all that hard work also being included (determination). Each photo chosen should have prominently displayed some attempted form of adversity to be overcome, while also illustrating a much deeper sense of solidified determination that silently screams out to the viewer that the only inevitable outcome to follow was pure success.

References:

Flower Meaning

Poetic License

Meditations on Flesh by Felicia Zamora

My Personal Translation of This Poem

Ms. Zamora’s poem, I believe, begins with comparing the pain of a canker sore to life’s struggles that suddenly come to life without warning. In crevice’s so deep inside the pit of our flesh that we hardly have time to prevent it from developing, or ward off the discomfort it brings to us until it’s already too late, the internal strife that we hold inside ourselves; anger, bitterness, hatred, violent contention, fierce jealousy; comes to full existence and is personified as a canker sore. The rest of her words parallel the similarities of actions between humans and the animal kingdom, but highlighting the way we perversely distort our reasoning for change. Denoted in green font, each one of her paragraph’s from the original poem, ‘Meditations on Flesh,’ is rephrased with my personal interpretation of the meaning behind her words.

An ulcer develops inside my lower lip in crevasse of gumline, the translucent milky gray pocks oral mucosa landscape of dark pink & I remember my flesh incubates; a home for short-lived tenets evolving a kind of thought come to life in the mouth— carrying the acts of membranes & cells. What haunts the body sometimes haunts from interior vantage.

The original purity of innocence we are born with is brief. Outside invaders taunt us with negativity and strain our personal identity throughout our lifetime. Expressing how we all have unwanted darkness hiding (incubating) deep inside our psyche (body) just waiting for the right moment of strife and personal weakness to trigger them to fruition. Demons like jealousy, greed, envy, addictive behaviors, competition, wrath, pride; all patiently lying in wait for just the perfect moment to unexpectedly rupture and expose this inward ugliness outward. Properly tending to our bodies mental health and stabilizing the strength of our immunity to handle crises gives us full vantage point against the painful ambush of life’s ‘cankers.’

The ground squirrel in California chews on rattlesnake skin, spits out the paste to apply on its body—a confused rattlesnake smells its own deadly, hesitates at the familiar venom. I look in the mirror & think of all my jaws chew & spit out—I both predator & prey. How language thistles on my tongue, in stick to flesh laid bare: pulmonary artery in expose from lick.

Comparative statement emphasizing how we take into ourselves the constant bombardment of toxic public images used to define superiority in beauty. Defeating words of sharp, self-criticism become glued (thistles) onto our once strong values and warp our belief system of how we envision needing to look, and feel, and act in order to be considered a worthy enough participant in the game of life. Letting our discernment of self-worth be fooled into thinking we must conform to society’s falsehoods, and change ourselves accordingly, to better fit within the parameters it has deemed worthy of contribution. Learned hatred for our bodies from repeated lashings of perceived perfection gnaw deep inside our conscience until we finally force ourselves to seek skin deep change that will disguise our true outward appearance destroying our uniqueness for whatever preferred commonality is current. Once we have ultimately succumbed to the parasitic toxins spewed off the tongues of collective ignorance, our physical layer of autonomy is shed and exchanged for a monotonous, coveted one. Becoming the proverbial ‘human in snake’s skin,’ we are no longer able to distinguish between the truth of originality, and the parasitic lies of envy. We now emulate, proudly, what we once feared, and loathed.

Environment changes us. In the Alden Motel, stray cats brought fleas. My ankles swollen & torn from indentations of my own nails. Dust mites caused allergic fits: stuffy nose, runny eyes, lack of smell for weeks on end. Nudibranchs change skin coloration by changing diet. Octopi camouflage their bodies when threatened. Octopi swim fast, swim fast in open ocean.

We sometimes want to crawl out of the lives we were born into and transform ourselves into another. Moving to new locations can also trigger unhealthy cravings for change that mimics the ongoing environment surrounding us, even if it’s detrimental to our own well-being. Tendency of falling into the trap of believing we need what others possess when it’s seen en masse. We want to buy self-confidence with the “bite” of needle sticks for the perfect pout. Swollen lips on the face also bloat the senses of the nose and eyes. We seek professionals to “…stick pins in us like a vegetable”. Injections to smooth, freeze, “camouflage” our bodies when “threatened” by our own aging. Yearning to keep up “swim fast” like days of youth now gone. Extreme self-negativity can overcome our sensibilities, encircle our thoughts with relentless biting, chewing away the delicate skin of reasonability. We scratch the itch wanting it to go away. We desperately try to pick off all the bugs, destroy them, but they continue to multiply out of control. Conclusion that “…a pretty face will make it better” the bug of cosmetic surgery takes it’s final bite into flesh. Bandages wrap tightly around inflammation, clinging to the promise of collagen regeneration, hope for newfound youth, new complexion for a new life that matches what is said to be golden. Newly formed scars hide within discolored skin, dull of its former senses, now unrecognizable even to ourselves. Belief that changing our outer appearance will somehow magically transform our life into a better one.

Butterfly wings contain eyespots, circular patterns to resemble the eyes of larger animals, to confuse & misdirect with disruptive coloration. The monarch butterfly uses aposematism to ward off prey. Sometimes we hide, sometimes illuminate to keep ourselves alive. The polar bear’s physicality acts as prism; black skin under translucent fur reflects the sun to only appear white.

We all hide our true identities from the world in disguises of makeup, surgery, and expensive clothing to ward off threats of undue criticism, rejection. We are afraid of being exposed as ordinary, of lesser worth. The need to keep pace with high societal standards, deliberately hiding inside the safe confines of group conformity, standing with constant allegiance to the commitment of seduction past its expiration date continually patronizes our internal demand to seek outward change by any means we have possible to us.

In art black contains the presence of all colors. In physics & spectrum, the opposite. To understand the human condition, we must acknowledge both theories exist simultaneously & in tandem. When my mother warned, If you touch the monarch butterfly’s wings, she can never return home; she dies, my fingers already on the wing; too late to release; too early to understand the lie.

There are many truths to be told. There are many lies floating around to be caught. The exact same story can transform depending on which angle it is told from. What one demands as truth, the other demands as lie. So, neither side is telling the only absolute truth, and neither lie is the only one to avoid believing. We must all be impartial to opinions and practice distinguishing fact from fiction. Learn to think for ourselves. Find our own version of true contentment, the middle ground of personal truth we can take into our belief systems. Strength to never be easily influenced, or tricked out of, our own personal convictions.

My left knee contains asphalt from a childhood bike accident: three kids on one dirt bike & a serious hill. My brother held my chin in his palm to the top of the hill, Don’t look down. Only when I saw the blood, I cried. Only when I saw the blood, I felt the rip & sear of missing skin. Blue-green scar plumps & circles, itches when cold, itches long before the rest of my leg.

Oftentimes, we don’t recognize imperfections we are told about ourselves as being actual flaws. Until we are led to hold them as shortcomings by others are we actually convinced they even exist. Once the insulting words pierce the mind, the belief of defect begins to fester and materialize. No amount of tenderness and support can stop the flowing recognition felt from the stinging wound of drained self-worth. The skin is forever marked at that spot, “bruised.” Gradually, subconsciously, the fallacy grips tighter, resoluteness moves inward eventually scarring the once innocent spot forever.

Biochromes absorb & reflect certain wavelengths of light; octopi harbor these microscopic pigments to change color & patterns & even opacity. To be able to see inside, become more sheer. If our skin melts transparent, if our inner workings expose, blink & glow like moon jellyfish in deep ocean, would we see each other, feel our connectivity? Or sour that too?

What would happen if we all just let go of our own pretentiousness and unveiled to each other our personal truths? Bared our feelings out loud to the world without guise, or character traits of falsehood. Give and accept only positivity? Existing underneath, aren’t we all exactly the same humans inside? Are we not all a combined mix of everything both good, and bad? If this type candor were outwardly visible could we all then break free from our own insecurities that convince us we aren’t good enough just as we are? Would undo pettiness over each other in every aspect of life finally cease its victorious grip?

National Geographic tells me a rhyme for how to remember what snake patterns to be cautious of: red on yellow kills a fellow, red on black won’t hurt Jack. The lines catch & repeat in my mind. In summer 2020, a Starbucks barista asked the white woman to wear a required mask. She attacked him. His friends raised $100K on GoFundMe; the woman sued for half. Red on yellow.

We are universally taught recognizable ways to avoid outwardly dangerous people (serpents) that will instinctively inflict harm on us when given the chance. We proceed confidently in our practiced efforts throughout life that we can, and will, easily spot menacing threats when we see them coming at us. But, what happens if we are in a tame, familiar territory, surrounded by friends, without any perceived threat, are we then safe from harm? When we least expect stumbling upon something toxic that unexpectedly bites us deeply, can we survive the poison they inject into us? Does having a strong support system help us overcome the intimidation of the ordeal? Does it help increase, or give false pretense to our chances of survival? Ultimately, keeping mindfulness that wickedness can exist anywhere, in many different forms, gives it less feasibility to destroy an unshakeable guard that refuses to surrender. Any future force trying to strike us down when we least expect it will be rebuffed with ingrained fortitude.

In seeing maggots on a deer carcass, my skin crawls as I watch their bodies writhe in & around each other, squirm in compost. Fly larvae, to be exact. Wikipedia says the word maggot doesn’t exist as a technical term or in entomology. Perhaps my reaction stems from misunderstanding. Perhaps the heap of bodies clangs a bell, reminds me of love; a closeness gone missing.Source: Poetry (June 2021)

True love no longer exists in her belief system as she sadly watches older generations of marriages’ longevity die away. Sentimentality, respect, ageless beauty, commitment, integrity are all elements of real love being replaced by meaningless, fleeting moments of temporary connection that make her sick to witness. Nowadays, an aging woman is not even considered worthy enough to mention, let alone join, in the game of love. The current dating world is only reserved for those young, new breeds now in high demand. She wonders if she has become hardened and jaded to the idea of love after too many years of longing for a partner to ever be in a committed relationship with again.

Musical Theme

OVERTHINKING

We have all experienced critical moments in life where beating ourselves up about past mistakes too often creates a negative impact on the quality of happiness in our lives. Constantly overthinking the anguish felt about a particular decision or situation doesn’t help it get resolved, it just adds an additional layer of internal turmoil for our psyche to deal with. Spending excessive time inside of our own heads reliving the struggles of everyday life or relationship issues can stunt the possibility of ever moving forward past the anxiety with gained wisdom. Sometimes overthinking is triggered by mental illness that needs to be addressed professionally in order to break free from the detrimental cycle. These tracks below, in varied genre’s, musically express the internal suffering through their lyrics and melody felt by so many people in the world. Oftentimes, just hearing about the actual fight of overthinking itself through song can help release the nasty stigma of having mental health issues. Listening to music that we can relate to on a personal level can feel extremely therapeutic, especially in the moment of crisis, and possibly lend itself as a helping hand out of the vicious cycle of overthinking. Music offers itself up as the first step towards getting help and feeling stronger. Though I’m fortunate enough to not suffer from the traditional descriptions of ‘mental illness’ as generally described, the full spectrum of turmoil caused by overthinking is inescapable by anyone. We all want to do better, be better, and have better in our future so we constantly worry about the impacts of every, single decision we make. Overthinking is what binds us all together as human beings.

“When it feels like the lyrics to the song you’re listening to were written just for you.” ~ Brittany Landry

“Overthinking” by Mickey Valen ft. Mothika Album – Overthinking (DANCE/ELECTRO)

Reminiscing about an old flame and not being able to let go of the good memories no matter how hard she tries. She realizes that her partner’s love for her is superficial and only reciprocated when it’s convenient for him. Every time she forgives him and runs back after believing whatever lies and excuses he feeds her, she gets hurt and disappointed. She desperately wants to stop the cycle of pain he inflicts on her heart. Even though she clearly understands romantic feelings towards him still exist, she feels strong enough to begin healing by not constantly overthinking ways she could have made their relationship work.

Emotions: Hurt, Sorrow, Regret, Empowered, Relieved, Wise

Tempo: Adante (walking pace) Melody: Catchy Consonance: High

“Overthinking” by Orla Gartland – YouTube upload/Patreon.com 2018 (Acoustic)

**My personal favorite song about overthinking** Desperate to understand why she struggles so much with her endless cycle of negative thoughts and doubt. Feels extremely guilty and embarrassed when she does speak to people about her problems when seeking answers, further perpetuating her cycle of anxiety. Unable to ever get sufficient sleep at night due to rambling thoughts stuck in her head that either keep her up, or wake her. Needs to understand why her mind is so broken so she can begin breaking free of her mental illness.

Emotions: Inadequate, Frustrated, Resentful, Suffering, Sorrow, Guilty, Mortified, Confused, Lonely, Disgust, Depressed, Sadness, Overwhelmed.

Tempo: Allegro (fast) Melody: Lyrical, Original, Soulful Rhthym: Alternating

“Overthink” by Taylor Shaw Album – Intuition 2018 (POP)

Trying to convince the woman he wants to be with to just not overthink the moment with practicality, but instead follow her heart and feelings and to not deny that they are perfect together. That he isn’t going to disappoint her because needing to be with her is all consuming. He accepts whatever he discovers about her so she is free to be herself when she’s with him.

Emotions: Longing, Rapture, Desire, Attraction, Hopeful

Tempo: Largo (slow) Melody: Rhythmic, Catchy Dynamics: Harmonious

“Overthinking” by Hands Like Houses Album – Anon 2018 (ROCK)

**Video produced by Colin BRITTAIN :D** Keeps overthinking reasons to remain in a relationship with someone who only pretends to listen and ‘get him.’ He realizes it’s hard enough to deal with his own feelings in the relationship and doesn’t need to carry the weight of his partner’s burden. He can’t keep overthinking ways to ignore how empty he feels when with her because she only speaks her side, and her needs are all that count between them, his needs are passed off and not even recognized or considered.

Emotions: Rage, Disgust, Panic, Neglected, Anxious, Hostile, Jealous, Resentful, Agony

Tempo: Presto (very fast) Melody: Lyrical, Heavy drumbeats Rhythm: Fast Beats

“The Writer” by Breakdown of Sanity Album – Perception 2013 (METALCORE) Lyrics

Pure confusion, anger, beats are high pitched from beginning to very end. Lyrics are indistinguishable like crazy, erratic thoughts in a hostile mind having no fixed course for conclusion. Certain beats have same rhythmic quality like cycling thoughts or emotions.

Emotions: Rage, Hate, Anger, Hysterical, Hostile

Tempo: Presto (very fast) Melody: Loud, Aggressive

“Overthinking” by Jae Zole Album – Overthinking 2021 (HIP HOP)

Is constantly worrying that he’s going to lose the girl he loves because he has undeniable trust issues that he doesn’t know how to stop. Wants her to know that she isn’t doing anything wrong, he just can’t stop overthinking the multiple ways for their relationship to end badly. If they fight, will she run back to an ex-boyfriend? When she doesn’t respond (texts, calls) it exacerbates his insecurities, then he resorts to drinking and thinking bad thoughts, then jumping to conclusions that cause real problems in their relationship that weren’t even there prior to his accusations.

Emotions: Jealous, Inadequate, Worried, Scared, Guilty, Powerless, Shameful, Sentimental

Tempo: Moderato (moderate pace) Melody: Soft, Lyrical Rhythm: Flowing

“Overthinking” By Bearcubs ft. Narou Album – Early Hours 2020 (NEW WAVE-SYNTH)

Completely encompassed in their love with each other that nothing else has meaning or true significance anymore. All that matters is being together, the rest of the world falls away. At times, bits of fleeting fear of it all ending creep in, but overall they are following their own rules and don’t care what the rest of the world thinks about it.

Emotions: Enthralled, Tenderness, Peaceful, Romantic, Euphoric, Satisfied, Content, Sentimental

Tempo: Largo (slow) Melody: Rhythmic Ostinato

“Life In Monochrome” plus “Overthinking” by Romans Album – Overthinking Part- 1 2015 (SOUL) Lyrics

Trying to explain that love can’t be overthought, it comes naturally. Love can’t be determined by past experiences, so stop the repetitive cycle of looking for flaws that don’t exist. If always searching for one or making small issues into larger ones, problems will materialize and be the cause of the end. Simply understanding that love should be enjoyed and felt within the heart, not overthinking it with too much reasoning.

Emotions: Regretful, Confused, Lost, Despair, Disillusioned, Neglected, Displeased

Tempo: Presto (very fast) Melody: Rythmic, Alternating, Lyrical Rhythm: Flowing

“Overthunk” by Big Boi Album – Boomiverse 2017 (RAP)

This song is all over the place. Very immature background sounds with undesired vocals and lyrics that do not make sense. No clear sense of order or meaning. (Frantic concerns about life and not knowing where to turn for help)

Emotions: Isolated, Agitated, Chasing, Confused, Disillusioned

Tempo: Adante (walking pace) Melody: repetitive background, strong talking lyrics

Entire Album – Your Overthinking It dedicated to overthinking 2018 (LOFI CHILLHOP) Lyrics

Lyrics sound so soft and unconfident as if someone is hiding behind a mask of insecurity and too afraid to join life. Background ticking translates to rapid mind not being able to calm down its thoughts and running faster than the rest of the beats in the song (life)

Emotions: Insecure, Lost, Scared, Longing, Sentimental

Tempo: Largo (slow) guitar Heartbeat-like rhythm Melody: Soothing, Soft, Whisper Rhythm: Steady

“Overthinking” by Dubio & Godmode Album Single – Overthinking 2020 (ELECTRONIC)

Look inside your mind, focus, and make a final decision using internal faith and trust in your choices so you can be done with indecisions and finally move on with your life.

Emotions: Doubt, Regret, Hopeful, Stimulated, Optimistic

Tempo: Moderato (moderate pace) Melody: Lyrically loud, background is consistently repetitive Rhythm: Regular beats

“Stop Overthinking Love” by XXXTentacion x Bryson Thiller – SoundCloud 2019 (R&B)

Sounds of the background beats are soft, smooth, repetitive (thoughts inside head swirling around in deep thought) Vocals are shrill, expected but random, strong, repetitive (how the thoughts sound as they’re being released/expressed out loud, full of anxiety, dismay, irritation)

Emotions: Astonished, Random, Resentful

Rhythm: Gentle, pulses like heartbeat. Timbre: Brassy, Shrill, Rough, Irritable

I’ve included two very different sounding jazz songs to convey the differences between overthinking.

“Stop Overthinking” by Composer Marco Rinaldo Album – Friday Jazz 2021 (JAZZ)

Gives the hearer a cycled melody of a merry-go-round style sound of temporary overthinking to a very simple thought or situation that doesn’t reflect an emotional toll being put on the psyche. Saxophone gives repetitive hi’s & low’s. Tempo is high pitched and seemingly confused. Background playfulness of instruments sounds childish and makes me feel lost.

Emotions: Enthusiastic, Jubilation, Zeal, Delighted, Jovial, Stimulated, Awestruck, Amazed

Tempo: Adante (walking pace) Melody: Playful, Boisterous, Trumpet leads song.

“Stop Overthinking” by Composer: Giordano Trivellato Composer: Giuliano Sacchetto Album – Midnight Jazz Mix 2018 (JAZZ)

The melody of this song is very “screechy” and invokes a painful struggle in the mind. It’s a sound of extreme annoyance, like being driven crazy by an unsolvable problem that cannot be fixed or solved. A painful, long, agonizing cry for help for absolutely anybody to listen or offer advise. The guitar strings are being pulled hard and lengthy with aggravation. Sharpness repeats throughout to convey frustration.

Emotions: Sad, Helpless, Panic, Aggravated, Agony, Irritable, Annoyed, Displeased, Jealousy, Upset, Worried, Unsettled, Angry

Melody: Erratic, Sporadic, Aggressive Rhythm: Hi’s & Low’s

“Shake It Out” by Florence & the Machine Album – Ceremonial 2011 (GOTHIC GOSPEL)

“Regrets collect like old friends here your darkest moments… I can see no way…I can never leave the past behind…I’m always dragging [around]…issues strong…would I take any of it back…final mess..left me so empty…damned if I do and damned if I don’t…”

Emotions: Enlightened, Empowered, Hopeful, Enthusiastic, Regretful, Knowing, Wise, Secure

Tempo: Presto (very fast) Melody: Bright Uplifting Lyrics, High Pitched Rhythm: Repetitive, Strong Drumbeat

“Overthinking” by Cloe Wilder Album – Overthinking 2019 (INDIE)

Her own mind has gotten to the point that she can no longer function rationally because she doubts every decision she has to make. Feeling emotionally lost and stuck inside her own head which has become a waking nightmare for her. It’s getting impossible to find the worry free person she used to be and is begging for someone to help her mental wellness. Her life has become contained in her own personal bubble of anxiety and can’t find her way to back to the normal world again without help.

Emotions: Dread, Panic, Confused, Dread, Helpless, Lost, Alone, Longing, Frightened

Tempo: Largo (slow) Melody: Slow-Paced, Random Rhythm: Varied

“Overthinking” by Mathew Lupino ft. Alex M. Brinkley Album – Closure 2020 (EMOTIONAL GUITAR RAP)

Discovery of an affair has led to hatred and looking for clues of who was at fault in the relationship and how it could have happened. Thoughts cycling in his head about feeling foolish and he can’t let go of visions about her with another man. He sits and constantly contemplates the best way to rid himself of her memory.

Emotions: Angry, Hostile, Disappointed, Hate, Disgust, Contempt

Tempo: Moderato (Moderate pace) Melody: Quick to Slow, Smooth

“Overthinking” by Acid Ghost Album – I Want to Hide My Face & Die 2015 (ACOUSTIC ROCK)

His singing is so faint to hear it could be described as ghostly.

Emotions: Insecure, Afraid, Inadequate, Sadness, Exhausted, Deflated, Uninspired

Tempo: Largo (slow) Melody: Soft, Smooth, Low-Toned Singing almost Whispering Rhythm: Regular, Monotone

“Keeping Everything Inside” by Sophia Pecora Album – Overthinking 2021 (POETRY POP)

Feeling invisible to the world. Wondering if anybody will ever be able to see her true feelings and expose her deepest thoughts. Keeping depression and anxieties hiding inside her own head and not sharing them out loud. Every day is always the same, she wants to break free of her struggling thoughts that continually fester.

Emotions: Insecure, Helpless, Envy, Jealous, Sadness, Neglected, Isolated, Powerless, Anxious, Lonely, Contempt

Tempo: Moderato (moderate pace) Melody: Upbeat, Happy Rhythm: Flowing

“Gasoline” by Halsey Album – Badlands 2015 (ELECTROPOP)

Song about repetitive thoughts that are racing around in the mind, not able to be controlled, can hinder everyday thinking processes and eventually become extremely debilitating.

Emotions: Hostile, Resentful, Frustrated, Inferior, Contempt

Tempo: Moderato (moderate pace) Melody: Theme, Lyrically Heavy, Varied but Smooth, Heartfelt Rhythm: Progressive

“Inner Demons” by Julia Brennan Album – Inner Demons 2016 (FOLKPOP)

Song about how we constantly have to deal, and sometimes fight, our inner demons that forever plague our inner soul and force us to reexamine our former life decisions with too much doubt. Explaining how hard it is to fight thoughts that don’t fight fair or go away easily. We need help to gain proper control of our struggles and efficiently take the pain, fear, and heartache of regret from our past decisions in order to move on with our lives and be truly free and happy.

Emotions: Sorrow, Defeat, Overcome, Helpless, Worried

Tempo: Andante (walking pace) Melody: High to Low Pitch, Soft, Lyrics Monotone Rhythm: Background instrumentals repetitive. Same Theme Throughout

“Overthink” by Savannah Sgro Album – Phobia 2019 (“SAD GIRL” POP)

Nighttime is the worst for her to turn off her worries. She overthinks her problems to the point where she feels broken and exhausted with herself. She no longer trusts her own emotional feelings or know how to distinguish which truths are real, and which ones are made up by her over-exaggerating mind.

Emotions: Nervous, Confused, Insecure, Suffering, Despair, Powerless

Tempo: Presto (very fast) to None Melody: Peppy, High Pitched Lyrics Rhythm: Catchy, Varied

This site will absolutely make you grin after doing this week’s assignment. Take a quick look: The Top 10: Unexpected Words in Famous Songs

References:

Julia Jooya

Musical Key Characteristic & Emotions

The Junto Institute

Architectural Interiors

Casa Batlló designed by Antoni Gaudí, Barcelona, Spain, 1906.

Graceful. Mesmerizing. Natural wonderment. Colorful. Absurd. Unique. Poppycock. Fantasy. Pointless. Beautiful. Graceful. Nonsensical. Ridiculous. Embarrassing. Transcendent. I’ve heard it all, good and ugly, about my architectural style. I accept all praise, and all criticism, as long as I have accomplished getting your attention, and created a useful stir of conversation into the meaning of emotional beauty and how it deeply affects each of us at our personal core.

Born: June 25, 1852 Died: June 10, 1926

My name is Antoni Gaudí. I pride myself as a faithful Catalonian who strives to capture the essence of my native homeland in all of my architectural designs. It is my social obligation to partake in the rise against oppressive rules and criticisms binding people’s visions of what perfection is ‘supposed’ to look like in exchange for a looser version that positions God’s life-giving elements to the forefront of Catalan Modernism. Nature’s raw simplicity blended with the colorful wonderment of the world is the focal point in my work. I blur the lines of typical conventions and turn surroundings inside out. What is customarily inside, I send outward. What is typically outside, I bring indoors. I am but a mere translator for God’s graceful forms.

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As a young lad, I spent long summer days in my family’s home in Ruidoms. I delighted in observing the effortless splendor of my natural surroundings as the phenomena of the physical world transforms the ordinary into extraordinary. Surprises hidden in plain sight just waiting to be discovered and admired. Keeping with the integrity of all organic life left untouched by man, just as I experienced as a young boy and still cherish, is what I reflect in the artistry of my architectural designs.

Commissioned by wealthy Textile Industrialist, Josep Batlló in 1904 to demolish and redesign the Paseo de Gracia building for his family to both reside, and rent out, has turned into one of my most contentious designs. Increased textile production has generated job growth and need for more housing. Following suit with Barcelona’s Urban Development plan to create a new, revitalized municipality to further entice foot traffic, and bring people to our rural area, has awakened the city’s desire for originality in architectural formation. Having gained the appreciation and respect of the locals and of the current government from my twenty-five year, free thinking design homage to Catalan Modernism, or Art Nouveau as some like to call it, allowed me full creative freedom to bring Casa Batlló to reality using my personal vision of what I believe to be structurally magnificent.

Convincing Mr. Batlló that I could successfully transform his building into something spectacular that’s never been seen before, rather than starting from scratch with a complete tear down, saved me time and afforded more budget to my wild imagination. Much the same as bare feet encountering the endless bounty of sea for the first time, my building’s facade should greet all those brave enough to admire the torrents of wave-like ripples extending upward throughout the lengths of my building as it meets brilliant shades of oceanic flora, and gasp in amazement. Whether good or bad makes no difference at all. As long as my building evokes pure emotion, I have accomplished the mission I set out to do.

My feeble health limits my traveling capabilities, so many of the destinations I visit are inside my wandering mind. When fits of joint inflammation and gout flare up in my body, immersing myself in Jules Verne’s novels of extraordinary adventures gives me temporary relief from pain and makes my life bearable. In fact, the very same year ‘Vingt mille lieues sous les mers’ (Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, 1870) was released, I decided to enroll in Barcelona’s School of Architecture at 17. The moment I read it, I just knew that one day, combined with my fathers teachings of space and volume as a boilermaker, and a creative license, I could one day bring Captain Nemo’s seafaring adventure’s to real life. His maritime tale is the source of my design inspiration for Casa Batlló.

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Casa Batlló’s overall exterior was built to resemble the likes of Captain Nemo’s submarine. The semi-cylindrical shape of the structure “…mostly free of angular protrusions” appears worthy enough to “…withstand sheets of water” and repeated submersion, without worry of destruction or collapse, and easily capable of becoming one with the ocean without threat of decay. Similar to the look of the Nautilus, I wanted the enormous outer ‘hull’ of the building to feel strong, thick, and impenetrable, mocking Cretaceous marine limestone and “…[resembling] the shell of a large terrestrial reptile.” My social ties allowed me to acquire the trendy, new mercury-vapor lamps that are in such high demand at the moment and adorn the entire face of my building. Just like Nemo’s ship was lit only by the ‘fiery, aquatic sparks of phosphorescent glow’ as it dove further into the dark abyss, my ‘vessel’ cuts straight through the veil of darkness with a “luminous dust” into the night’s sky.

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Critics say that Saint George is being honored by his slain dragon sprawling lifeless atop the roof, but they are very wrong in their interpretation of my intentions. Though my creature is a fierce one indeed, the beast is neither dangerous, nor dead. It sits unassumingly quiet above the heads of my fellow Catalonians sheltering their freedoms and voices against government censorship, daring it to challenge us, lest awaken the people’s monster, and be destroyed. The four-arm, cross handled ‘blade’ penetrating the building’s corner does in fact ‘belong’ to the brave saint. It represents his strong arm of eternal guardianship over our community. I’m torn between the plight to protect my heritage, and my religious commitment to God, so I join the fight the best way I know how, through hidden messages waiting to be discovered in my architectural designs. The roof is a beguiling reminder to my people to remain steadfast and resilient in our efforts to unify and restore Catalonia’s greatness through gained independence.

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An armor of ‘barnacles’ takes grip alongside the exterior structure implying the threat to government that Catalonians will continually multiply in numbers, and in strength, increasing the glue-like hold of resistance against us ever falling down again without a considerable fight.

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I positioned shards of broken glass mosaics to the outside walls in random groups of colors and patterns up the full length of the building past the rooftop. Whether the view gives off a feeling of chaos, creature-like scales, or group non-conformity, I just think it looks pretty. It’s becoming increasingly more difficult to work with my hands due to my worsening arthritis, so this unique form of mosaic artwork lends an original touch to my personal design element. Nobody has embarked on this art form yet, and it easily hides my debilitating disease. Easy access to these building materials is abundantly available and I strongly believe in recycling. Nothing in nature is ever wasted. Life is continually reborn after its end of use. I give all the piles of discarded, broken glass new life, beauty, and purpose.

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This design element holds a little more personal political clout for me than some of the others. Generally speaking, I don’t understand the critics confusion surrounding the deciphering of my balconies. How is more explanation needed? Upon first glance, the vision of several turtle skull heads sprinkled on the front facade should stare directly at you. Simple. Now, if you make more of a concentrated effort to look deeper into those hollowed out eye sockets, you may very well see the hidden resurgence of Catalan identity peering back at you. Behind masks of dying loyalty to Spain’s government, hidden groups in Catalonia are finally removing their disguises to begin movements for regional autonomy. There are many reasons I chose Loggerhead sea turtles. They are the most abundant species in our region of Spain. They play a vital role in the health of the Mediterranean’s ecosystem. They hold the key to prospering, maintaining balance, and nourishment for themselves and other shared marine life. Have you recognized the parallel of importance between the Loggerheads in their environment and the Catalonians to ours? This hidden message is in my design for all to discover if they’d just care to look.

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I just think this is ironic. I had zero intention of recreating one of Jules Verne’s hideous looking, deep sea creatures described in my favorite maritime adventure book. But as I sat outside one day eating my simple lunch of oil dipped lettuce leaves and reading Scriptures from my Bible, I was surprisingly startled by the view I had mistakenly discovered. Maybe it was a subconscious display of my internal demons that plague me being brought to material form. Maybe it was plain and simple coincidence. I’m not sure. Either way, if you sit outside my building at just the right time of day and look up, you may very well be unlucky enough to catch a glimpse of this scary creature.

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Inside, irregularly shaped bannisters curve up and down floor levels grasping firmly to the solid footing of their grainy staircase just as branches and roots of the forest grip onto their solid trunks. I’ve brought nature’s unpredictable beauty indoors to showcase its rustic elegance while at the same time providing the household with stable functionality.

Maybe I borrowed just a bit of fantasy from the harrowing fight between the giant octopus and crew of the Nautilus in Verne’s novel.

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Many ideas inspired my creation of the Noble floor’s swirling ceiling. Giant ammonites roaming the ocean was one of them. Just as the crew on the Nautilus might encounter under the sea, the overhead plaster whirlpools around what I imagined as a giant squid’s eye peering directly down upon you. The vortex ceiling can also reveal what it might look like while peering up through the porthole of a submarine. Even with its squid-like characteristics, the grande oak door frames in the study also represent all the watchful eyes on my creations, critiquing, studying my every move relentlessly, waiting to see what I’ll do next, without affording me a minute’s peace. Most importantly, the giant ‘eye’ in the room is representative of God’s watchful eye over us at all times, even behind closed doors. A reminder to keep close to your faith always.

Inspired by the radical thought of being enclosed inside the protective shell of a giant clam, I created a scalloped arbor overhang that envelops those sitting underneath it as they ‘safely’ bring the multicolored, outside world into focus from inside the fortress of their giant shell.

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My favorite staircase I created embodies the spine of the house. All of which supports the internal and external components of the home firmly upright. Replicated as a literal spine many assume my inspiration comes from the anatomy of a whale. Though the giant creatures were a highlight of excitement for me in the novel, and they certainly do convey strength, I based the seriousness of my design choice on the sleeping dragon who watches over my people. The symbolic internal strength of the spine which holds everything together making functionality of all other working parts possible.

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I tend to have the most significant visions during long periods of fasting. I feel better when the effects of food don’t further aggravate my delicate health condition and fog my brain with clutter. After a few days without sustenance, the idea for the patio of lights room suddenly became clear while sitting on the shore contemplating my next move. I wanted to create a great room filled from floor to ceiling with sparkling shades of azure and cobalt blue as magnificent and bright as my current view of the Mediterranean. Endless shades of blue that would make the transition from ocean to sky completely indistinguishable. The marbled clear glass positioned directly in front of the cobalt tiles should give the illusion of sitting port side on a ship staring at the sun kissed rippling waters.

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Back to my tales of inspired whimsy, I thought it would be an interesting addition to accompany my fabricated seascape with an ocean worthy engine room just as depicted in my favorite book. Altogether, I created a trio of fantasy including a ship, its engine room, and a seaworthy ocean to sail upon (or below).

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I needed to build an ‘immensely expansive portal’ to view the outside world from within the study. The window needed to be a ‘highly elongated oval with great illuminating capacity’ projecting the exterior world inward with “…magnificent radiance.” Using stained glass, light tricks the eyes and fools the imagination into believing it’s really peering through the Nautilus, delighting the senses with a kaleidoscope of exotic underwater life. The radiance of glowing color beaming off the wavy oak window frame produces a clever illusion of a smack of puffing jellyfish slowly rising up to the ocean’s surface. It’s almost possible to see schools of tropical fish swim by the window as your eyes soften their focus and mind begins to run wild.

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Stained glass ‘water bubbles’ along the upper half of the main window become the source of brilliant emanation as the powerful glow of ocean blue and kelp green color tones flood the study as only the ‘phosphorescent phenomena’ of sunlight through water can produce. Thick panes of durable glass muffle outside noise. I wanted the occupants sitting in this room to experience the same magical sense of calmness that being under water can induce.

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These rooms were created to be simple spaces without frills. A source of quiet reflection for the soul. Devoid of color and fancy intricacies, I left only clouds of ivory and bits of sky blue to fill these spaces and help evoke peaceful meditation and promote religious devotion. I’m aware that the smooth arches of these rooms do in fact resemble the ribcage of a fantastical whale as most people like to comment, and I love that my work brings to mind such whimsical imagery. I will also profess to greatly enjoying the pointed style archways of Gothic architecture. But my only purpose in designing these vaulted arches is to stress the equality of all people as they worship God. Each softened spire reaches up towards God’s grace like praying hands. And instead of being adorned with complex markings as seen in the church, mine remain uncomplicated, pure, and smooth to the touch so as not to compete with the Houses of Worship. I believe God is everywhere and in everything we touch, see, hear, feel, and experience. Worshipping our Lord should be accessible at all times even in our own homes.

Public Art

Marks & Brands 2013, by sculptor Peter Mitten

Peter Mitten’s metal sculpture, Stacked Brands, sitting atop its travertine pedestal.

Close up image of a large calligraphic metal A, mimicking those used for branding cattle.

Bronze relief panel set between pavers within the sidewalk displaying imprinted cattle hooves.

Commemorative plaque mounted to the pedestal briefly explaining the sculpture’s inspiration.

I’d like to start out this post by admitting that despite my ongoing, weekly, love affair with cheeseburgers, I had completely no idea whatsoever that the sculpture above was on display to commemorate Southwest Florida’s historic cattle industry. My attraction to the eight foot high, 500 pound, rust-colored giant was originally inspired by my love for wrought iron and orthography. Situated in the courtyard in front of the new Fort Myers Regional Library (another reason for my misinterpretation of the seemingly wordy tribute to reading) just off First Street and McGregor Boulevard, the sculpture humbly sits within a 77 foot long fountain, sadly devoid of its’ promised watery companion. The only nearby water I experienced was that which fell from the sky onto my head, drenching my every attempt at getting a decent photograph. Nonetheless, the piece sits unassumingly amongst the manicured shrubbery holding its own beauty stoically. Though looking slightly worn as visible blisters have begun to crust as Florida’s humidity tries to blemish the facade, it only succeeds in making the sculpture’s powerful stance more reminiscent of the purpose in which it was created.

Beyond the attributes of warm weather, sandy beaches, and picturesque sunsets that most people credit as the Sunshine State’s most valuable economic asset, would be flabbergasted to learn that Florida’s uniquely mild climate helps rank it not only among the leaders in tourism, but to the cattle industry as well. Florida is responsible for shipping nearly half a million calves each year to various livestock ranches in the United States and around the world, cashing in over $500 million in overall cattle sales yearly according to the Florida Beef Council. Ranking 13th in the nation for consistently providing superior breeding traits due to Florida’s native agricultural advantage giving rise to better ecological grazing for its livestock.

Known as Stacked Brands, California sculptor, Peter Mitten, constructed the piece as a site-specific tribute honoring the successful rise of Southwest Florida’s cattle industry. The installation features several artistically designed and stacked cattle brand shapes similar to the ones used by livestock owner’s to identify, claim, and protect from thievery. Branding irons are designed using a combination of basic letter, number, and shape formations, referred to as bovine pyroglyphics. Further embellishment of the common characters using nonsensical and irrelevant markings help create a nonverbal language specific to individual companies, or brands. Depending on which direction and order the characters are placed on the cow, rights of ownership can be determined. From as far back as the 1500’s and 1600’s when Ponce DeLeon brought over the first documented cattle to the United States, almost half of all Florida’s distinctive native vegetation was used to propagate beef and ranching operations around the world giving the Sunshine State financial rise as leaders in the market. Much the same as Lee County’s earliest cattle ranchers used in the field to brand their livestock, Mr. Mitten adorned his ferrous metal tower with an array of beautifully interwoven letter art as a visual announcement to always remember the true significance those first brave explorers had on our state’s economic wealth and continued rise to agricultural leadership.

Accompanying his larger sculpture are four silicon bronze rectangles, referred to as relief panels, which are skillfully imprinted with several cattle hooves. Inset between the pavers beginning on First Street in downtown Fort Myers, just steps away from its mate, the three-dimensional art appears at random throughout the entire length of the sidewalk leading to McGregor Boulevard. Mr. Mitten wanted to, “….visually mark the [importance of the] historic cattle trail as it made its way from the ranches…through downtown Fort Myers…where cattle were loaded onto ships destined for Cuba and other ports.”

Sculptor Peter Mitten loaned his metalwork longterm to the city under the provision his rust prone ironwork would be sufficiently illuminated and maintained. Several coats of specially formulated protectant have been copiously applied to promote its longevity and protect the piece from the harsh, corrosive Florida elements.

For an additional look into Florida’s cattlemen past, and view some very interesting photos and articles like the ones below, click this link: https://ufdc.ufl.edu/AA00062224/00234/44x

Below are the images of my oldest and youngest braving the rainy weather with me as we strolled downtown photographing artwork before my birthday celebration. My sweet daughter did her very best trying to shield my hair from the constant drizzle by holding a giant umbrella over my head. We all got a chance to lazily stroll downtown and take in a little art. I won’t even mention the library security guard who immediately rushed out apparently thinking I was a major threat to the giant metal piece, and was somehow going to deface it, in broad daylight mind you! He kept pace just a few feet from me, walking in unison, and sternly eyeballing my every move the entire time I photographed. We do look like pretty sketchy characters! ;D

Reverse selfie!

Two of my three favorite works of art!

I love this thing! I desperately want to know what it reads!

Abstract Images

Dhruval I, 1976 by Natvar Bhavsar

Analysis of qualities through my vision of sensa extracted from artist Mr. Bhavsar’s abstract painting, Dhruval I.

Line: Bhavsar’s abstract artwork lacks clearly defined, distinct lines. The only lines possibly visible are implied, unfocused ones as color variances draw the eyes upward or downward in seemingly continuous, vertical motion.

Color: The dispersion of prismatic coloring throughout the entire painting are predominantly rudimentary using primary; red, yellow, blue; and secondary; green, orange, violet; blended into obscure gradations of color wash. The contrasting red/green, orange/blue, and yellow/purple pigmentations complement each other as they are opposites on the color wheel. The value of darkness is invoked by varying degrees of heavily cloaked shades of cherry along opposing edges of the artwork creating a tunneling effect towards the central radiance of glowing amber. Flame-red dwarf strikes emerge from the center pit of embered colors flickering aimlessly. Patchwork blends of transitioning spectral color envelope the canvas with structural disregard giving the overall bulk of the art piece a naturally free-spirited, euphoric feeling.

Texture: There doesn’t seem to be any physical texture in the form of actual painted brush strokes. Obscured hues of blended coloring gives off an inferred feeling of pillowy-soft texture. Upon close inspection, minuscule, speckled dots, or maybe scratches, make the art appear fuzzy. It could also be argued that the implied texture mocks that of scales from a colorful reptile. Mr. Bhavsar’s paintings were made by repeatedly layering a clear liquid between layers of dry pigment until he achieved the desired effect.

Space: Due to the lack of clearly defined shapes or figures in the painting positive space is absent in this artwork. If I had to place emphasis on a particular element, I would say the varied splotches of concentrated yellow might serve well as the ‘objects’ implying space atop a dark background. Or, the opposite could be true if the shadowy crimson effects rise from the background and demand lead focal position as the lighter wisps of color fall backwards. Negative space doesn’t actually exist either, but again, if forced to place value onto some portion, I’d name the large yellow spaces around the deeper red ‘objects’ as the negative space, and vice-versa, if the ‘objects’ are defined as being the yellow blotches.

Light: Bright shades of yellow-orange tones imply golden notes of warmth and comfort. Certain spots of mostly yellow appear heavily lit and bright, possibly uncomfortably sunny. It feels as if all the other colors seen on the canvas were spawned from just one single color, either dialed up for brightness, or down for shadows.

Shape: Pinpointing precise shapes in this abstract painting are quite difficult to surmise without use of sharp linear structures. Short, red strikes that the mind desperately attempts to convert to human figures, amass centrally, as they communally trek upward gracefully floating off the top edge of the canvas into oblivion.

Shadow: Shifting shades of blue colliding with red creates shadowy violet figures scattered about the artwork in no discerning pattern. When the bluish shades merge together with the warm, golden, yellow-orange hues, the slightest hint of green appears heavily in the lower right quadrant of the piece. It could be easily reasoned that there’s a foreboding trilogy of shadowy movement creeping through a space of positivity blissfully unaware of its presence.

Volume: Dappled shades of red produce the least amount of coverage in the painting overall. Lighter shades of transitioning yellow fill the bulk of coverage on the canvas and controls the entire weight of the art. Bluish shades bring to mind tiny bodies of water. Each fusion of color refuses to admit knowledge of an emerging beginning or declining end. The spillage of washing color ebbs and flows with discrimination against all structural design.

Mass: The scarcity of distinguishable forms among playful colorant mixtures dispersed without boundaries lends to the feeling of constant motion in the artwork. The mind is not quite able to distinguish which elements are mobile, and which are stationary.The bold harshness of red paint flagged vertically along the left and right edges constricts vision to the painting’s center and glides it in vertical motion either up, or down, however the viewer decides to interpret the movement. It could almost be exaggerated in the mind that the mass movement of all combined colors appears to be slithering slowly from side to side, like a snake, to its desired destination.

Several internal feelings and multiple contradictory visions are evoked in my mind’s eye when I concentrate on Mr. Bhavsar’s abstract painting. Initially, I balked at the absurdity of trying to gain meaningful perspective on an art style representative of finger paint smears. When my pouting and resistance concluded, I began to lose my tangible vision and feel a mixture of human emotions as I diffused my unfocused sight into the mirage of colors and removed all concentration until I found my own meaning within the artwork. The blurry haze imposed within the spectrum of colors is indicative to the sense of chaos, feeling rushed, experiencing a fleeting moment that needs to be internalized quickly before losing it within a sea of useless memories. Sharp spikes of red pop through the blur as if they are people trying to match the pace of the fast moving world, or their own lives, which threaten to sweep them under if not successful.

I see confusion with the lack of structural lines and definitive proportional value to give directional feedback on what should be seen first or experienced last. Is the environment around me chilly, cool, warm, humid, sunny, hot? Am I ahead or behind? Are the walls caving inward, squeezing me through a tinier space than I feel comfortable being inside? Are the side entries blocked? What happens if I want to veer to my left or right? I feel herded into the crowds of mass panic, or groupthink?

Angelic, spiritual figures float about aimlessly in shapeless spots of red among a flurry of autumnal colors feeling ethereal and heavenly. The lightest shades of yellow appear bright and holy welcoming souls into a sea of pillowy soft, golden afterlife. The grip of life’s heavy struggle becomes airy.

Elements of worry dissipate in the unfocused shroud of fogged color mixtures as relaxation and calm soothingly envelope the mind. With no clear imprint to the clarity and specificity of systematic organization to induce anxiety as mirrored by the meaningless smears of color-washed saturation on the canvas. Stress willingly dissipates into tranquility as effortlessly as the colors themselves transform. All that is felt is peaceful serenity in the moment.

I experience thoughts of playfulness. Abstract art that is purposely missing structural limitations and stern rules creates an environment of childlike freedom to explore and absorb whatever subconscious sentiment one feels through the artwork. Anything is possible, everything is welcome, without judgement, without ridicule. Using elementary forms of primary and secondary color variations to create fingerpaint-like images mixed together in shapes of wonderment to be shared with others is reminiscent of early childhood days.

Intimacy hides in secret within the torrents of copious passion elevating itself through layers of warmth as it climaxes to the surface where it can be visibly pronounced as love. Effectively paralleling this concept is the use of small patches of cherry red paint to induce fleeting snippets of unexpected shades of blush rising out of varying degrees of lukewarm tint.

Abstract art can generate many human emotions within our psyche. Let only the ones that elicit feelings of happiness and positivity surround you.

https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/481694